A reader commented off line, asking about the framework within Judaism for children to grieve.
The tradition does not hold children (those younger than bar/bat mitzvah age) responsible for observing the mitzvot surrounding the mourning process. Of course children often participate along with adults, attending the funeral (if they are of an appropriate age and it is emotionally appropriate), being at the shiva home, etc.
It is also important for children to have meaningful ways to express their own grief. I try to see if they have questions, and provide answers at the appropriate level. Often times, children will ask questions to their parents, and those get passed along to me as the rabbi. Developmentally, children have varying capacities to understand death. Young children, for example, wonder how the person can "breathe" if they are in a coffin in the earth. Slightly older children may still have trouble understanding the permanent nature of death, and may persist in asking when their loved one will come back.
Of course, children are most concerned when they hear of someone who died, wondering if a parent or other loved one could die too. It's important to speak the truth, but in a way that is appropriate for each age. For example, when a relatively young person dies (say someone the same age as the child's parents, or a friend at school), I remind young children that while this does happen, it is very unusual. While no one can make promises, we should go forward without expecting that something terrible will happen, since almost always everyone stays fine.
There are some very good books available for helping to explain death. One I particularly like to use is by Rabbi Mindy Portnoy called "Where do People Go When They Die?"
There is certainly much more to say about this topic, and I'd invite others to share their thoughts and questions.
Jacob
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Organ Donation
The booklet on bereavement didn't really discuss organ donation, but it's also an excellent question. A good teshuvah (rabbinic response) from our movement's Committee on Jewish Law and Standards on this topic is by Rabbi Joseph Prouser:
http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/teshuvot/docs/19912000/prouser_chesed.pdf
Rabbi Prouser's conclusion is that organ donation, particularly for vital organs for which there is now a substantial rate of success for transplant surgery, constitutes "pikuah nefesh" -- saving a life -- and therefore would override any other Jewish legal or ethical concerns. An interesting question he raises is whether, in fact, organ donation is an "option," or is, in fact, a requirement if the conditions under which a person dies make it a possibility. He feels that, in fact, we should consider organ donation of vital organs, and for corneas, to be an "obligation." Certain other types of donation, such as skin for skin grafts, are permissible but not obligatory.
This is a matter that each of us should consider quite seriously, and we should make our wishes known to loved ones, and in medical directives. In Maryland it is also possible to indicate on a drivers' license that one would like to be a donor, and I would encourage members of our community to do so.
More soon!
Jacob
http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/teshuvot/docs/19912000/prouser_chesed.pdf
Rabbi Prouser's conclusion is that organ donation, particularly for vital organs for which there is now a substantial rate of success for transplant surgery, constitutes "pikuah nefesh" -- saving a life -- and therefore would override any other Jewish legal or ethical concerns. An interesting question he raises is whether, in fact, organ donation is an "option," or is, in fact, a requirement if the conditions under which a person dies make it a possibility. He feels that, in fact, we should consider organ donation of vital organs, and for corneas, to be an "obligation." Certain other types of donation, such as skin for skin grafts, are permissible but not obligatory.
This is a matter that each of us should consider quite seriously, and we should make our wishes known to loved ones, and in medical directives. In Maryland it is also possible to indicate on a drivers' license that one would like to be a donor, and I would encourage members of our community to do so.
More soon!
Jacob
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Cremation
Our blogger community is growing! Welcome to our new "followers" of this blog, as well as those who are just casually reading. And thanks to those who posted comments as well!
Comments included questions about Cremation and also about Organ Donation. I'll address cremation briefly today, and then talk about organ donation in a post tomorrow.
A good summary about cremation's status in Jewish law is in a teshuvah (a written response to a question of Jewish law) in the archives of the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) of the Conservative movement. This body addresses various issues of Jewish law, interpreting the tradition for contemporary situations using the lenses of both Jewish tradition and the needs of modernity.
The teshuvah is by Rabbi Morris Shapiro, and can be found at http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/teshuvot/docs/19861990/shapiro_cremation.pdf.
While it is not entirely clear that the Torah or Talmud forbids cremation outright, the development of the tradition has made it so that, today, cremation is not permitted in Jewish law. It has become a very strong tradition within Judaism. There is an interesting debate, which Rabbi Shapiro explains in some detail, about why burial itself is so important. Some sources indicate that it is part of a process and series of rituals that helps the deceased atone for sin, while others maintain that burial is considered the most significant way to preserve the dignity of the human being (who is created from the earth, and should return, in a natural way, to the earth).
For me, the prohibition against cremation takes on additional significance in the context of living in a post-Shoah (Holocaust) world. During the Holocaust, millions of Jews were not only murdered, but then cremated. The purpose of cremation was not just as a measure to make the murder more efficient (and to control the health risks), but also as an affront to Jewish tradition. When Jews consider cremation, I often ask them to consider how many Jews were insulted by being cremated against their will, and how we can honor their memory by making a different choice that honors Jewish tradition.
Jews share various reasons why they might choose cremation. Some are concerned about costs, or they don't want to create a "shrine" for people to visit. But the community has ways to assist with any costs involved (and, with pre-planning, these can be minimized or made more manageable), and most families welcome having a place they can go to mourn and feel close to the deceased. Others feel that it is more "environmentally responsible" not to take up space in death. I would argue that the space is minimal, that cemeteries are, in fact, beautiful open green space (which are very hard to then "repurpose" for other development!), and that given some of the other arguments above regarding Jewish tradition and the Shoah, a people that constitutes less than 2% of the American population, and a tiny fraction of the world population in general, can take a little more green space to allow for what we consider to be a dignified burial.
I look forward to your comments!
Jacob
Comments included questions about Cremation and also about Organ Donation. I'll address cremation briefly today, and then talk about organ donation in a post tomorrow.
A good summary about cremation's status in Jewish law is in a teshuvah (a written response to a question of Jewish law) in the archives of the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) of the Conservative movement. This body addresses various issues of Jewish law, interpreting the tradition for contemporary situations using the lenses of both Jewish tradition and the needs of modernity.
The teshuvah is by Rabbi Morris Shapiro, and can be found at http://www.rabbinicalassembly.org/teshuvot/docs/19861990/shapiro_cremation.pdf.
While it is not entirely clear that the Torah or Talmud forbids cremation outright, the development of the tradition has made it so that, today, cremation is not permitted in Jewish law. It has become a very strong tradition within Judaism. There is an interesting debate, which Rabbi Shapiro explains in some detail, about why burial itself is so important. Some sources indicate that it is part of a process and series of rituals that helps the deceased atone for sin, while others maintain that burial is considered the most significant way to preserve the dignity of the human being (who is created from the earth, and should return, in a natural way, to the earth).
For me, the prohibition against cremation takes on additional significance in the context of living in a post-Shoah (Holocaust) world. During the Holocaust, millions of Jews were not only murdered, but then cremated. The purpose of cremation was not just as a measure to make the murder more efficient (and to control the health risks), but also as an affront to Jewish tradition. When Jews consider cremation, I often ask them to consider how many Jews were insulted by being cremated against their will, and how we can honor their memory by making a different choice that honors Jewish tradition.
Jews share various reasons why they might choose cremation. Some are concerned about costs, or they don't want to create a "shrine" for people to visit. But the community has ways to assist with any costs involved (and, with pre-planning, these can be minimized or made more manageable), and most families welcome having a place they can go to mourn and feel close to the deceased. Others feel that it is more "environmentally responsible" not to take up space in death. I would argue that the space is minimal, that cemeteries are, in fact, beautiful open green space (which are very hard to then "repurpose" for other development!), and that given some of the other arguments above regarding Jewish tradition and the Shoah, a people that constitutes less than 2% of the American population, and a tiny fraction of the world population in general, can take a little more green space to allow for what we consider to be a dignified burial.
I look forward to your comments!
Jacob
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